Propaganda

我昨晚把汉族和新疆的朋友召集在一起。在她们之中,我才是少数民族。

因为全国都知道新疆那里人很会跳舞,我觉得最好去可以跳舞的酒吧玩。那这个酒吧不是最流行的,可是在北京就是一个独特的地方。

这个酒吧的名字是Propaganda(意思是宣传)。标志是中国人民的红星,墙上贴得是一些五六十年代的海报。不过,位于五道口——充满留学生的地方——你很可能会碰到韩国、欧洲和美国的同志们。

Propagate me

那些新疆朋友没使我们失望。我尽量跳舞跳得和黑人一样。她们天生会跳舞。

Posted in Experiences, 中文 (Chinese) | Tagged | 4 Comments

A fast boat to China

Before Columbus discovered America (making Las Angeles the hub for trans-Pacific flights), westerners reached China via Macao, the Portuguese-settled enclave adjacent to Hong Kong.

Today, jet foils regularly roll into the harbor ferrying Reno-rebound gamblers, casino-loving communists (gambling is outlawed in mainland China) and blog-writing travelers.

Fast boat

Lost

It’s surprisingly easy to get lost in a 26-square-km city when you don’t speak Cantonese or Portuguese—Macao’s two official languages.

Thankfully, I soon stumbled across a strangely familiar facade: Banco Delta Asia, the U.S.-accused custodian of North Korean-laundered, nuclear-earmarked money. I took a picture.

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Click here to see more pictures from Macao, “Mo’ Macao, Mo’ Problems”

God’s goth

Finally I found what I had come to see: The Ruins of the Church of St. Paul (Ruinas de Igreja de Sao Paulo). The one-walled ecclesiastical edifice is the most well-known emblem of Macao.

In 1602, victims of anti-Christian persecution in Japan found refuge in the Catholic colony and constructed St. Paul’s from scratch. Somewhere along the way, the sanctuary got scuttled and a military barracks was installed. Unfortunately, fire alarms were not. When a blaze left nothing standing besides the entrance, St. Paul’s assumed landmark status.

Today, some call St. Paul’s the greatest monument to Christianity in Asia. I don’t think Christianity requires a hand-made monument—but what’s beneath is a “sermon in stone.”

Descending down to “The Crypt” starts out like an archaeological dig. Rocks and bones—fossils of the faithful—fill exhibit cases on both sides of the underground sanctuary.

St. Paul’s is merely monumental. Stone and sculpture. An anthropological anomaly. Tragically “tourist.” But skulls stare back at you, and you realize religious-cide—refusing to back down on your beliefs, paying the ultimate price—is real. It doesn’t just rebuilt St. Paul’s or redeem Macao, it reminds you of Jesus. It rebrands the cross, not a necklace—a noose.

One-walled church

Left behind

My last stop: paying tribute to the the patron saint of Chinese-language students, Robert Morrison. The East-India Company Chinese translator/British missionary authored the first Chinese-English dictionary. Here’s what he wanted on his tombstone:

SACRED
to
THE MEMORY
of
ROBERT MORRISON D.D.,
The first Protestant Missionary to
CHINA,
When after a service of twenty-seven years
cheerfully spent in extending the kingdom of the blessed REDEEMER
during which period he compiled and published
A DICTIONARY OF THE CHINESE LANGUAGE
founded the Anglo Chinese College de Mallaca
and for several years laboured alone on a Chinese version of
THE HOLY SCRIPTURES
which he was spared to see completed and widely circulated
among those for whom if was destined
he sweetly slept in Jesus.

Kid ‘n cannon

When looking up Chinese words in the dictionary, who stops to think, “Who translated the dictionary?” It’s a sobering thought—you’re not the first foreigner “explore” China. It’s historical context and perspective. This is not as far as I thought it was.

Conclusion: Macao is much more than the “Las Vegas of China.” It’s the Ghost of Chinese Past. And though it is the smallest administrative region in modern China, here you can really see the big picture.

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我不是特务

如果你喜欢看美剧“反恐二十四小时”,你知道这一季的敌人包括中东,俄国和中国同志。

我经常被中国人问:美国人觉得中国人怎么样?很可惜,有一部分人还持有冷战思想。就像最近在弗吉尼亚发生的事——这帮落后的人一看是亚洲人,就断定他是中国人。最后,倒是在美国长大的韩国人。

我想知道,中国人会对我这样想吗?如果他们看到老外,一个长得像杰克(Jack Bauer),另一个长得像007,都站在北京的一座苏联式的楼前,会不会有人以为他们是特务吗?

00724

其实,弗吉尼亚的事情真的是一大悲剧。我提醒杰克:在这个随意贩卖枪支,把政治的成功看得比孩子的生命更重要的国家里,一定要小心啊。

Posted in 中文 (Chinese) | Tagged | 2 Comments

New look

“Change is the only constant.”

This is version too.1

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Little Miss Sunshine in my eyes

Have you seen this? Little Miss Sunshine is a clever comedy, or is it a drama? It’s hard to say. I laughed. I cried. Yes.

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What does a movie about a door falling off a van have for you? As someone who has experienced a door falling off his van within the last two months, take my word for it: this flick is far out (score one for me using the word “far out” in a sentence).

It all starts in the midst of a typical, dysfunctional family. Ning, the Chinese movie critic in my life, said, “Wow, that’s a messed up family.” “No,” I replied, “I think that’s actually supposed to be a typical family.”

Anyway, this film has a great message. First, beauty pageants are sick. Second, life is a beauty pageant. If a small-budget, limited-release and eventual block buster wants to tell us to stop comparing ourselves with others, then perhaps we should listen/watch.

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SOHO. So what?

picture-012.jpgSOHO is supposedly an acronym for small office/home office. If you Google SOHO, it’ll say some place where “a number of organizations, businesses, and publications now exist to support people who work or have businesses in this environment.” Translated into broken Chinese, that means there’s a 7-Eleven downstairs 了.

So I work at this colorful cornerstone of the Beijing Central Business District, SOHO. (Not SOHO 2.0 down the road, the original Lego-lookin’ one). Oh yeah, it’s cool. Kind of a crux for city life, an artery of urbanism. The elevator pretty much sums it up.

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(1) Japanese noodles, Korean BBQ, 7-Eleven, Hollywood Hamburgers, Misc. Expensive Shanghai restaurant, LensCrafters.

(2) Net cafe, lingerie store, 7-Eleven second floor

(2-19) The young, creative minds fueling China’s economic growth.

SOHO’s backyard is also SOHO’s backyard – several residential buildings and a kindergarten. See, you don’t have to ever leave. But if you do, there’s a subway stop directly underground. Let’s not even get into the Wal-Mart across the street.

1108299_089564.jpgI don’t live in SOHO because I like to go home from work. So let’s just say I think it’s too soon to tell the long-term effects of working at home/living at work on human evolution (will armchairs give a Darwinian advantage to couch potatoes?). However, I was reassured to see one of my top three favorite Chinese rock stars, Pu Shu (朴树), running through the SOHO building C lobby this weekend on Chinese MTV, which is not called “Chinese MTV” in Chinese.

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Extreme Makeover

Gotoofareast-edition

68Wm5MRNqHo

The engineers at IKEA have innovated a table that you can put together without any tools. With everything broken lately (computer, blog, Chinese), it was good to find out something works smoothly.

Unlike the star of the real “Extreme Makeover,” Ty Pennington, I won’t be taking off my shirt, but the soundtrack is much better – thanks New Order.

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PC, blog… all broken

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Not to be outdone by my PC’s recent crash, a few days ago this blog also decided to develop a critical error. You may have noticed that comments, pages and past posts are unavailable.

Don’t worry: I promise to have videos, photos and new stories about life in the far east up and running soon. In the meantime, you can go to www.apple.com to find out more about avoiding such computer problems.

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I live in American Rock

Picture 008.jpgThree weeks since the last post – those of you who patronize this website probably thought I fell off the face of the Earth. It wasn’t quite so serious (I just moved to China). My PC also crashed, but that’s not news.

Now I’m back: online and livin’ in a place called American Rock, really.

Picture 019.jpgTwo weeks ago, when I arrived in Beijing, I commented to Ning some thought about social justice related to a homeless person on the side of the road. She proceeded to point out that – at that time – I was a homeless person myself. By the way, did I show you the picture of everything I own in three bags?

Now this is a cool place; literally love at first sight. A couple of months ago, we passed it on the road and had no idea it was a matter of minutes from my future workplace. “Ooh, I like that place,” said Ning. “Let’s go look at it.” “Okay!”

Turns out the leasing agency is marketing the whole complex under the “iHouse” moniker. That’s like finding out that the girl of your dreams also happens to live next door. Finally, an apartment that matches my Nano.

Picture 050.jpgI didn’t care so much that there’s a Domino’s Pizza and Wal-Mart around the corner, though those made my mom relax. I know the theory that pizza represents an infringement of Chinese intellectual property rights by Mr. Marco Polo is hard for most Westerners to swallow, but seriously: Chinese home cookin’ good. Ning and Becky helped me break the new place in with some traditional Chinese “Coca Cola” chicken.

Trust me, I want to tell you more about the last two weeks: relocating to my lovely new real estate, riding on a train with the People’s Liberation Army, and trying to buy a bed in Swedish, but I must devote the rest of this post to my people – those of you who saw me off, those of you who are in these photos and those who are not. Four words: I miss you all-ready.

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Sorry, comments are not working, but you can send me an e-mail: tim -at- gotoofareast.com

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“What change of address?” asks Propaganda Pig.

postcard online.jpg
propoganda pig left.jpg“二月二十五日Tim要去中国 – means Tim is going to China on February 25,” says Propaganda Pig.

“A new job, a new city… but the same website to stay in touch with Tim.”

“For more information, send e-mail to Tim. Also, please include your contact information so he can wish you a happy Year of the Pig.”

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